Two articles this week for Match.com about parents and dating:
He was into me (until he heard I had kids)
by Margot Carmichael Lester
It’s every solo mom’s dating disaster: Getting rejected because your date discovers you’ve got kids.
“When I first got a divorce and my son was really little, I would avoid telling someone upon meeting him about my son,” recalls Molly Remes of Richmond, VA. But that strategy wasn’t successful. “First, the guy might feel like you are hiding information about yourself when he does find out,” she says. “Or he might not like kids. What are you going to do about that situation?” You may think the more he spends time with you and gets to know you, the more he’ll warm up to the idea of kids... but that’s just not the way it goes.
Instead, you need to say it loud and say it proud when dating: “I have kids.” Explains Remes, “When I meet a man now, I make a point of mentioning my son immediately. I’m proud of my son, and any man I could possibly think of dating has to know that my son is important to me.” Click to read entire article.
Ask Margot: His son has come between us
My boyfriend and I have four children between us but they are from our prior marriages. We kept putting off a future together because our kids don’t get along and we wanted to wait till they were a little older and out on their own. Now most of mine have moved out but his son has a life full of problems. I could never ask him to choose between us. I love this man and his son but really see no future for us now. I know he loves me too, and I could never ask him to choose between us. I’m ready to get married and go on with my life but don’t feel any sympathy for his kid. The kid’s got legal problems that his dad is trying to cover up and when I confront him about it, he says, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” How can I respond when he is quoting the Good Book like that?
We met in church and I can’t talk to our friends about this issue because it would be gossip and make me look bad. I also have a small child at home who is crazy about my boyfriend. It would be devastating to him to lose another father figure, but he doesn’t need to be around this man’s irresponsible son. What do I do in this situation?
– Concerned in Costa Mesa