Ask Margot: On love & faith
By Margot Carmichael Lester
My boyfriend admitted the other night that he cheated on me during a business trip last month. I’m devastated. He’s asked for forgiveness, and I know that’s the “right” thing to do. But I don’t want to do it. And even if I do, how can I ever trust him again? He travels all the time.
— Unforgiving in Uxbridge, MA
Ouch! Having dated a cheater once myself, I know how you feel. And it’s awful. I don’t blame you for being devastated one bit, sugar! Betrayal is B-A-D.
But the simple fact that you’re writing to me hints at the fact that you may not be as steadfast in the “I don’t want to forgive” camp as you make yourself out to be. It’s not unusual to take a hard line publicly, just to save face. And it’s probably true that some part of you does want to kick the dude to the curb.
But taking the time to seek my counsel also shows that you do know forgiveness is right, and that another part of you wants to get on that path. The real question is, once you forgive him, do you want to forget him? And I think you don’t, or, again, you wouldn’t have written in.
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